


that magical girl au

by candydust



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, M/M, Magical Girls, its written sensibly but trust me its crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 08:55:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7041562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candydust/pseuds/candydust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Go!”</p><p>Oikawa shoves Tadashi and he stumbles out into full view of the ravenous demon, which stops, as though shocked someone would actually have the audacity to draw attention to themselves. </p><p>“I’m going to kill you,” Tadashi snarls back at his grinning friend, hiding behind a fallen car. He fixes the pink hairclip tucked into his hair. “I’m going to - aah!”</p><p>***</p><p>Oikawa, Yamaguchi, and Kenma are magical girls in their spare time.</p><p>Tsukki, Iwaizumi, and Kuroo are... frustrated, most of the time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	that magical girl au

**Author's Note:**

> based off a conversation kyushimii-yo and i had that lasted about a week and resulted in art and a fic and this monstrosity 
> 
> links to things in the bottom because the art is awesome and the fic
> 
> well its sort of what started this mess

_ “Go!” _

_ Oikawa shoves Tadashi and he stumbles out into full view of the ravenous demon, which stops, as though shocked someone would actually have the audacity to draw attention to themselves.  _

_ “I’m going to kill you,” Tadashi snarls back at his grinning friend, hiding behind a fallen car. He fixes the pink hairclip tucked into his hair. “I’m going to - aah!” _

***

Yamaguchi Tadashi walks into his flat, his back aching after a long day bent over his study books. His shoulder hurts from the strap of his bag, and really all he wants to do is lie on the sofa with a cat and his laptop and wait for Tsukki to come home so they can marathon the next series of something cute and fluffy.

Instead, he gets Oikawa Tooru hiding behind his TV, making squeaking noises and flapping his hands in the air. 

_ Great.  _

“Why are  _ you  _ here?” Tadashi sighs. He shrugs his bag off his shoulder and onto the floor, his heart sinking in his chest. (There’s really only one reason why Oikawa would be here. He wishes there wasn’t.)

Oikawa turns around at the sound of his voice. “Ah! Tadashi-chan! Good, good, good. Where are your cookies?”

“I - what?” 

“Cookies.” Oikawa snaps his long fingers in the air impatiently, and Tadashi’s gaze is drawn to the flash of blue on his index finger, glowing faintly in the sunshine streaming through the window. “Cookies, c’mon, I need energy if I’m going to deal with this.”

“In the tin on the kitchen table, or they should be,” Tadashi says, abruptly feeling the ring around his own finger begin to warm up now he’s near Oikawa. He resists the urge to shove his hand in his pocket - that’s just for around the  _ other people,  _ but Oikawa isn’t an other person, and he can be trusted. (Although Tadashi wishes he’d make  _ some  _ sort of effort to call ahead when he’s coming over. Kenma does, so why can’t Oikawa?)

Oikawa nods, springing through the open door from the couch to the kitchen. “I’m sure you know why I’m here,” he calls, voice slightly muffled through a mouthful of cookie. 

Tadashi rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I can guess.” His finger is almost on fire now, burning hot. “Kenma’s close by.”

“I know,” Oikawa says. Cookie crumbs spray all over Tadashi’s kitchen, and he winces. Tsukki will kill him. (Okay, no he won’t, but that’s the point. Tsukki will come home and be a total gentleman about it even though Tadashi - and related people - is the only reason their flat needs cleaning as much as it does.)

As if on cue, there’s a quiet knock on the door. 

Tadashi’s finger is glowing now, the silver band embedded with a pink chip of gemstone glowing furiously. “I’ll get it,” he says hastily, scrambling over the fat cat at his feet - “Move it, Natsu,” - to grab the doorhandle before Oikawa can monopolize Kenma as well. 

“Afternoon,” Kozume Kenma says quietly. One hand holds his blue Nintendo, which is closed, and the other hand is held out to display the silver band on his own index finger, the chunk of yellow stone in it glowing with the same intensity as Tadashi’s. “He here already?”

“Of course he is,” sighs Tadashi.

Kenma smiles a little. “He’s being annoying?”

“When  _ isn’t  _ he?” Tadashi says, sticking out his bottom lip in a fake pout. In truth, he doesn’t mind Oikawa - neither of them do - but he’s not exactly the most relaxing thing to come home to. 

“I heard that!”

Kenma’s lips twitch up into the tiniest of smiles. He doesn’t hide his hands, either, although as he wanders into Tadashi’s flat he opens his DS. For a second Tadashi thinks Kenma might be doing something useful to the team, but then he hears the chipper theme tune of a Pokemon game and remembers with a start that of  _ course  _ Kenma can’t check his DS. It hasn’t changed yet. 

Weird. He’s gotten way too used to hanging out with these guys in a totally different situation. 

Oikawa wanders back into the living room wiping crumbs from his lips. “Iwa-chan has stopped feeding me after class,” he half-explains, leaning against the wall, smiling at them both. 

“Doesn’t mean you can come and eat  _ my  _ food in return,” Tadashi grumbles. 

“Of course it does.”

Kenma stops their bickering by shoving his hand between their faces, almost blinding Tadashi with the brightness of the amber gem. “Can we get on with it, please?” Kenma asks, deceptively soft. “I want to go home. Kuroo said he’d play Dragon Age with me.”

“You two are so  _ shallow,”  _ Oikawa sighs, but holds up his own hand. The blue mingles with the yellow, so bright it’s almost white, and Tadashi thinks he’ll be seeing the afterglow for years later. 

He’s the last to hold up his hand. The three press their palms together, the pink and the yellow and the blue, the whiteness making all three squint and squeeze their eyes shut despite their best efforts. 

Tadashi swallows. He always gets nervous at this bit, and he doesn’t know why - he’s done it a lot over the past year, and really, it shouldn’t send butterflies running all around his stomach just at the thought of it. 

Oikawa goes first. He hums something about  _ Iwa-chan  _ and the  _ power of love,  _ some stupid catchphrase-or-other that changes every time they meet up. His eyes flutter shut, long eyelashes brushing his cheeks, his face suddenly bathed in the pale blue glow of the ring on his finger. It covers his whole body, but Tadashi stops paying attention at that point, because Kenma - 

_ “I am the Body’s Blood,”  _ Kenma mumbles, which is a far better catchphrase than Tadashi  _ or  _ Oikawa’s. He shines, too, the yellow from the tip of his finger spreading through his whole body, illuminating his skin like some sort of glowy anime character. 

Tadashi swallows. His turn. 

“Um…  _ pinch serve,”  _ he mumbles, blushing even as he feels the warmth from his ring start to flow all the way through him, starting at the top of his head and slowly flowing down to the tips of his fingers, the bottom of his feet. 

He has a terrible catchphrase, but he’s never got around to thinking of a new one. 

The transformation starts at the centre of his being. It’s the warmth of a summer’s day, it’s the comfort of a hug, it’s the happiness of a kiss. (Oikawa must never know how Tadashi thinks of it. He doesn’t think he’d ever live it down.)

He feels his dark jumper flowing off him, feels the three strands of hair over his freckles cheeks pull themselves back and tuck in with the sparkly, flowery hairclips. He’s surrounded in a protective cloud of pink, but he faintly hears Oikawa and then Kenma land back on their feet. Tadashi’s moment of bliss will be over soon -  _ Tadashi  _ as he was before will be over soon. 

He drops down with far less grace than either of his two friends, staggering against the wall. 

“Watch it,” Kenma’s hand flies out, steadying Tadashi at the elbow until he finds his balance again. 

Oikawa is admiring himself in the mirror hanging by the door. His outfit is perhaps the most extravagant, his skirt practically horizontal with all the layers of silk and ruffled white and blue. A ribbon ties it all together, and although Tadashi knows somebody that would turn bright red and start stammering at the sight -  _ ahem, Iwazunimi -  _ it doesn’t bring the blush to his cheeks that it used to.

Kenma flips open his DS, which has turned a pale sort of orange to match with the yellow of his suddenly  _ very  _ catlike eyes and the ruffled yellow and orange and white of his dress. “It’s a few blocks away,” he reports in the same old monotone voice. 

“What is it?” Tadashi asks. He leans against the wall, his weapon feeling too heavy in his hand. (It always does, for the first while.) He finds it hard to balance in the small heels of his black shoes, and he always has to resist the urge to pull his own skirt down a little further. Oikawa always ends up slapping his hands away and muttering something about fake modesty not catching men, but Tadashi can’t help but feel stupid. 

Kenma looks up, amber eyes staring at both of his transformed companions. (Okay. Say it.  _ Magical girls.)  _ “It’s a blood demon,” he says slowly, and the tinny roar that comes from his DS speakers suddenly sounds an awful lot like Tadashi’s funeral bell. 

***

Kei sips on his coffee, stretching his legs out under the table to give Kuroo, sitting opposite him, a kick. “Stop spacing out, man.”

“You were thinking of  _ Kenma, _ ” Iwazunimi mocks, “And his  _ smile,  _ and his  _ clothes,  _ and his-”

“Hold up, we said this would be a judgement-free zone,” Kuroo says, holding up his hands and pouting. “A way to rant about hot roommates  _ without  _ being laughed at, you said, and this is unfair discrimination. I could sue you. I could sue you  _ both.”  _

“I haven’t said anything,” says Kei. 

Kuroo points an accusing finger at him. “But you were  _ about to.”  _

“Nope. I really wasn’t.”

“Hah! Because  _ you  _ were thinking about Yamaguchi’s smile and Yamaguchi’s clothes and Yamaguchi-”

“Judgement-free zone,” Kei reminds them both. He takes another sip of the coffee, trying not to grimace at the bitter taste - really, Yamaguchi is the only one that makes coffee the way Kei likes it, but he can’t say  _ that.  _ Even in the judgement-free zone of the hopeless coffee meets, that’s just feeding Kuroo ammunition to be used at a later date. 

Their hopeless coffee meets are almost a weekly thing, now. It’s weird, and slightly suspicious, but all three of their roommates go missing around the same time, and it’s almost always coinciding with the attacks on the city. Demons, witches, wild creatures from some other world…

Kei always blows up Yamaguchi’s phone with anxious, unanswered calls when it happens. So far, nothing’s happened to Yamaguchi, but Kei figures it’s just a matter of time before the endearingly clumsy Yamaguchi stumbles too close to the attack and gets hurt. 

Suddenly, there’s the screech of a siren and the roar of something terrifying down the road. Kuroo curses; Iwazunimi tips coffee all down himself; Kei’s heart stops. 

“Shit, not  _ another  _ one,” Kuroo says in a voice probably meant to be joking. It comes out sort of wobbly and worried, though, and Kei sees him fumbling with his own phone. Calling Kenma.

Iwazunimi mutters something heartfelt under his breath. “They  _ always  _ do this,” he says fiercely. “I’m going to kill him.”

Yamaguchi is number one on the speed dial for Kei’s phone. He thumbs the button, shiny with use, and lets it ring to the answering machine, biting his lip nervously as the other two do the same. 

_ “Hi! This is - um, this is Yamaguchi’s voicemail, obviously. So I’m probably studying, but leave a message and I’ll call you back!” _

Kei frowns and hangs up. He waits five seconds before trying again. 

“The thing sounds really close this time,” Iwazunimi remarks with barely a quaver of fear in his voice. Hah. Not like everyone in the whole city isn’t terrified of the demons and otherworldly beings terrorizing them almost weekly. 

Kuroo nods. He worries at the corner of his nail, phone pressed to his ear. “A few streets away, maybe? We should stay in here. It won’t be safe outside.” 

“Hmm.” 

_ “Hi! This is -”  _

“Dammit, he’s not picking up,” Iwazunimi snarls at his phone, slamming it down on the table and picking up his coffee cup, looking puzzled when he sees it empty. The coffee’s dripping down the front of his shirt. “And whoever stops these things, the magical sparkle team or whatever-”

“Magical girls,” Kei corrects automatically. Kuroo turns to look at him quizzically, a mocking smirk on his lips, and Kei shrugs in defense. “What? I watch those shitty anime same as everyone else. Magical girls. They glow and they have stupid weapons and costumes that definitely aren’t appropriate for fighting in.”

“Tsukki’s a  _ nerd,”  _ Kuroo sings under his breath even as he starts to call Kenma again. 

Kei cradles his phone against his ear. 

_ “Hi! This-” _

“None of them are picking up.  _ Again. _ ” Iwazunimi sighs. “This is getting far too dangerous for them. I-  _ Jesus Christ!” _

His eyes have widened, his mouth dropping open, focusing on something over Kei’s shoulder. Kei turns slowly. He knows already what’s behind him - it could be nothing  _ else,  _ really, because  _ of course  _ it’s their luck that the giant demon is on their street. 

On cue, he hears the blood-curdling roar. 

“Fuck,” Kei says. 

It’s the only thing he can think of that might be appropriate for the situation. 

***

And so now here they are, crouching behind a car, Kenma tapping his DS to try and find a weakness in the demon. The only problem is that he has the whole thing to investigate without a single pointer in the right direction, and so far all he’s been able to do is confirm that the ear cavities aren’t possible sources of explosions. 

Kenma’s helpful, but it takes a while for the full extent of his powers to kick in. 

Oikawa is the true leader of the group. (Plus, he’s the only one of them with a tiara. Tadashi and Kenma just have hairclips and glitter.) He inspects his blue-painted nails as he crouches, looking as at home behind a car as he would lying on Tadashi’s sofa and eating all the cookies. “I have a plan.”

“We need to find a weakness before we have a plan,” Tadashi points out, knuckles white on his weapon. (Okay. Okay, fine, so what if it’s a french fry? It’s worked perfectly well against anything he’s tried to kill with it, so don’t  _ laugh.)  _

“Working on it.” Kenma’s eyes don’t leave his DS, although his free hand reaches up to swipe away a dangling strand of hair from his face. 

Tadashi sighs. The demon, which is big and black and has more teeth than he’s ever seen in his life, isn’t doing much at the moment. Just generally terrorizing the place. It’s worryingly close to a coffeeshop window, though, which still has people in it. 

That could be dangerous. 

“There’s people in the way,” he points out when it becomes clear that neither of the other two are going to notice. “We have to deal with this as soon as we can, before someone gets hurt.”

“Aha! Great idea, Yamaguchi-chan,” Oikawa’s head flies up from where it’s bent over his hands. His fingers wrap around the long stretch of his metal staff - his weapon, glowing faintly blue - and his eyes twinkle with something Yamaguchi has seen often enough to be scared of. That look means that Oikawa has got an idea, and Oikawa with an idea is a terrifying thing to be a part of. 

Tadashi starts to back away. “Oh, no. I’m not doing whatever it is. You can’t make me.”

“It’s nothing!” Oikawa chirps cheerily. 

“Nope-”

And his hands grab Tadashi on both shoulders, curving around his arms. With a wink, Oikawa throws Tadashi out from the cover of the upturned car and into plain sight of the entire street. 

“Go!”

And the demon. 

Tadashi almost faints. He stumbles forward a little, the weight of his weapon heavy in his hand, aware that the crowd of people in the coffee shop have turned to look at him. Aware that even the giant, slavering demon has turned with its mouth open to see what sort of  _ idiot  _ would come out front to face it head-on. 

“I’m going to kill you,” Tadashi snarls back at his grinning friend, hiding behind a fallen car. He fixes the pink hairclip tucked into his hair. “I’m going to - aah! Sorry!” He apologises automatically to the thing under his heel. 

The rock at his feet, unsurprisingly, doesn’t respond. Tadashi feels himself going as pink as his dress.

***

“He just apologised to a rock,” Kuroo says, sounding awed. “Hey, Tsukki-”

Kei thinks he may have died and gone to some sort of freaky afterlife. “Is that definitely Yamaguchi?”

“Definitely Yamaguchi,” Iwazunimi confirms. “Hey, that’s a really cute dress. I’m sort of jealous. Oikawa would  _ never  _ wear something like that.”

Yeah. Kei’s dead. He’s dead and Yamaguchi in a dress, apologising to a  _ rock  _ while a demon stares him down, that Yamaguchi is punishment for his horrible life. It’s the only explanation. 

Also, Yamaguchi looks suspiciously like all the grainy images that Kei’s seen of one of the three magical girls that seem to save the city every time it’s under invasion by creatures of some other world. And he’s wearing a skirt. 

A pink skirt. 

With ruffles. 

He’s dead. He’s actually dead, and this is either some torturous hell or a paradise heaven. 

_ “Tadashi-chaan!” _

“Hold the fuck up, no way,” Iwazunimi sucks in a huge, startled breath. His face joins Kei’s, pressed close to the window. 

“Wait, both of you,” says a third voice, still loud but not as screechy as Oikawa’s. A figure in a yellow dress, orange silk ribbons tied around their waist and drifting along behind them, jumps over the car after the blue one (that  _ can’t  _ be Oikawa,  _ no way)  _ and waves a DS in the air. 

Kuroo makes a noise like a dying cat. 

“So that’s where they go when we try to call them,” Kei says. His eyes are still fixed on Yamaguchi. He doesn’t think his eyes will ever  _ leave  _ Yamaguchi and his hairclips and his thigh-high socks and his stance of quiet, anxious bravery in the face of a giant demon with teeth. On teeth. On teeth. “That’s why he never answers his fucking mobile.”

Thing is, he isn’t mad. He isn’t angry. He’s in awe of Yamaguchi, and also very very in love with Yamaguchi, and the pink blush to his cheeks is  _ ridiculous  _ and Kuroo,  _ put that phone away right now -  _

“Jesus Christ,” says Iwazunimi hoarsely, and that seems to sum it all up. 

***

Tadashi waves his french fry in the air a bit, waiting for Oikawa and Kenma to catch up, his face afire with embarrassment and terror. He’s  _ sure  _ the people in that cafe saw him, which is awful enough, but they’re probably videoing it and he doesn’t want that going online. That’s just embarrassing. 

As if on cue, a flaming orange arrowhead shoots past his head and explodes on the hide of the demon. Kenma, standing next to him all of a sudden and not looking up - drawing another projectile on his DS screen - smiles a little when he hears the sudden roar of pain from the beast. 

“Good one,” says Tadashi earnestly. He waits for Oikawa - 

A blue blur dashes past them at the speed of light, leaving glitter and an afterglow in Tadashi’s eyes. “Hey!” He shouts. “You’re meant to wait for me!”

And springs after Oikawa, Kenma just behind him, all three unaware of the sudden urge the faces pressed against the window have to go home and think about their life choices very, very carefully. 

(Kei resolves to see Yamaguchi close up in that outfit very, very soon. And in different, more pleasurable circumstances.)

(He gets it one week later, and neither of them leave the flat for two days.)

(Oikawa is pleased.)

(Kuroo doesn’t even have to ask. Kenma just kisses him one day, soft as silk, while they’re cuddling on the couch.)

(Oikawa is pleased.)

(Oikawa is always pleased, especially when Iwazunimi comes up behind him and asks him if he’s  _ really  _ going to let the two younger ones beat him on this count.)

(Very pleased indeed.)

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! check out kysuhimii-yo.tumblr.com and clearfullydearfully.tumblr.com for more haikyuu babies being cute
> 
> http://kyushimii-yo.tumblr.com/post/144698907234/clearfullydearfully-and-i-thought-of-yams-in (that fanart)
> 
> http://clearfullydearfully.tumblr.com/post/144598800484/what-is-this (that fic)


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